You Know You Have Had Too Much Coffee When…
You watch your DVDs in fast motion
You drain your mug and then lick it clean each time
You sell your grinder because your mouth does the job just as well
Your eyelids stay locked in the upright position even when you sneeze
You bite the nails of the person next to you
You are too impatient for instant coffee
The Energiser Bunny takes lessons from you
You insure your coffee paraphernalia for more than your house
You have a son and a daughter both called ‘Joe’
You can operate a manual typewriter with your feet
Sleeping never involves closing your eyes
You have a sticker in your car window that says ‘I’ll tell you about my political affiliation if you get me a coffee’
You can put up shelves using your forehead
You consider drinking decaf to be a punishable offence
Anyone who sees you thinks you are afflicted by a localised earthquake
They fly you over to France whenever they need grape – stomping quickly
You are so wired that you improve the reception on your telly
You use coffee granules rather than washing up liquid
You have not blinked since Christmas
You eat bananas with the skin on to speed things up
When you get angry steam comes out of your ears
You set up business meetings just to get some free coffee
You have worn the handle of your mug of choice down to nothing
You have a pet name for your coffee machine